First, a big thank-you to Trish for inviting me here to post. My piece has been edited to add that she has very kindly and very patiently waited for this for weeks. I sent it to the wrong email address forever ago, then once the mistake was discovered I took ANOTHER forever to get a new copy to the correct address.
See, I’m all kinds of things that Trish is not. I’m flaky. Fickle. Say yes to more than I can handle, then end up letting someone down. Throw myself headfirst into some new thing, then eventually come up burned out/injured/sick/exhausted. I suppose my life is a series of high highs and low lows. Trish is consistent. Consistently supportive. Consistently focused.
That’s part of why I’m on this journey from Fatass to Fabulous in the first place. No consistency. Ups and downs. An inherent desire to sit as still as possible for as long as possible. Bursts of energy, a few good eating days at a time, taking of maybe 5 or 10 pounds. But then something happens and I stumble. Something happens and it’s back to the buttdent on my sofa. And those same pounds go back on. And then some.
My little family has kind of been to hell and back. I am a stay at home mom. My husband spent the better part of 2007 and 2008 unemployed. We blew through our safety net in the first six months, and things kept going downhill. We lost everything. And then my dad? Had surgery at the Cleveland Clinic just before my daughter was born. He came through the surgery fine, but almost died from accompanying complications. My mom aged 15 years, not leaving his bedside, fiercely nursing him back to health. Then after finally getting well, his colon perforated and he almost died again. Almost. And again it was my mother’s vigilance that helped him recover. Then a couple of months later my husband went to his best friend’s house because they had plans, and found that best friend dead in his bed. Heart disease. 31 years old.
And you know what? I could keep going. I won’t, but I could. Let’s just say that if there was ever a family in need of a fresh start, it was us. And we got it! But it came with a price. In order to get that fresh start we had to pack up what we had left and move 800 miles away from family and friends. My husband had to take a step back in his career. I had to quit law school. All so we could end up here, starting from scratch.
Let’s just say that there were many Blizzards, cocktails, and tubes of Pringles involved in getting me through those years. Many. Many of those things.
It was getting so that I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. The life behind my eyes was getting dull. My body got soft and lumpy. My stamina – which once allowed me to do things like walk every step of an AVON 60 mile while pregnant – had all but disappeared. Tired and fat and losing my lust for life. And my lust for lust. And all kinds of things. I stepped on the scale one day and weighed 225 pounds. More than I weighed at the end of my pregnancies. More than I weighed EVER. More than I have ever said out loud to anyone. And dangerously close to weighing more than my husband.
So. About a year ago I started writing DidIJustEatThatOutLoud. Part journal, part public accountability, part a discovery about just what it is that I consider FABULOUS to be, I’ve spent the last year living it all out loud – the good, the bad, and the hemorrhoidal. I’ve lost a few pounds, but not a bunch. I’ve rearranged a few inches, and am wearing a smaller size. But really? Really I don’t look a whole lot different at first glance.
But I am a zillion times closer to FABULOUS than I was a year ago.
A year ago I couldn’t do a boy push-up. I couldn’t jog a mile. I was intimidated to walk into a Zumba class. Or ANY class. Or a gym with actual people working out in it.
A year ago I hadn’t made any real friends here in my new hometown. I could go run all of my errands and not run in to a single person I knew. A year ago I didn’t have anyone who wanted to meet me for coffee or a yoga class. I didn’t have anyone I could call if I needed somebody to help watch my kids so I could go to a dentist appointment.
For some reason my brand of fatass crazy has resonated with a lot of people in the blogosphere. Since starting the blog I have been embraced and lifted and supported. And teased and called out and triple dog dared.
And I have been loved.
DidIJustEatThatOutLoud has been a lifeline for me. I’m on my way again, back to spunk and excitement and energy. And lust. And as I continue to strengthen my insides, the outside will follow suit. It will.
So Trish, thank you for all of the early morning tweets and all of the comments and all of your consistent support. The way you send out positivity is just amazing. I’d like to be able to do that the way you do. And thank you for sharing your space with me today.
Sue…you are an amazing woman and I gotta tell you I am so happy to have met you here in the blogger world. Maybe someday we might have the opportunity to meet in real life, but for now, this will have to do and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this journey with me and those who visit now and again here.
Trish
Remember comets are closed here. Go and visit Sue in her part of the world HERE and show her some comment love!
