This is the last full week of 2009 and looking back…mmm not completely happy with what I did…honestly. I feel like I have been playing around with the same weight..on and off…for far too long.
Being an emotional eater is not easy when life continuously seems to be throwing stuff at you and this past year has been a real rough one…no excuses, being honest. We have dealt with losing
I have dealt with the emotional fall off of my MIL being diagnosed with cancer and the emotions with Hubs, myself and our children around that…the worrying about how she is, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. With that in view we changed the congregation we were attending and have been in since we moved to Maine over 6 years ago, and while a very loving and supportive congregation it is taking a toll on us…the added drive…the not being able to be involved like we like because of the distance, the not wanting and really not at this point able to make a move of where we live…all this is very trying…and hard…for me as an emotional eater.
I have learned this about myself and though I am aware…it still will sneak in on me as I all of a sudden realize and ask…what the heck am I doing!!??? Now enter in a new fact to share with you…I have a tendency to self-sabotage myself when I am rocking it and again I find myself mid-stream, or after, quite literally shaking my head and crying wondering why am I constantly doing this to myself?
I truly have no clue…am I mad..afraid…angry…resentful…I do not know. I wish I did because I do want to succeed on this life-long journey…I do want to be a healthy active weight and an example I can be proud of for my children.
Looking back I see I allowed all this to take a toll on my health…allowed myself , consciously or unconsciously, to use these things as excuses really…ultimately on my weight. So I know I need to really focus in on not allowing the things life will throw at me to get in my way of doing something that will help all around me…in many different ways. It is time for me to truly put my health needs out in front of so many other things I have allowed to take the place of. Keeping it balanced…yet a priority.
Now it is YOUR turn…What have you accomplished this year? Are you happy with the progress?
Trish,
ReplyDeleteYour honesty and sharing here is refreshing. While I'm sure all of this was not easy to write - that you have is so, so good. Know that I see you as a shining star out there is what is sometimes a dark world. So, while you may not be fully happy with where you are on some fronts, know that your presence and caring in my life had made a difference. You have much which is so good in your life. I see so much of it in all you write.
So, I just want you to know, today, that you make my life better, and I am deeply grateful.
Wow, you have had a lot going on and I completely understand. I wish I was one of those people that could put my health, weight above everything but other things just seem to get in the way.
ReplyDeleteThank you Trish again for your honesty! XO
ReplyDeleteLance, {ALL} and Trayce thank you for your support...it is so much appreciated!
ReplyDeleteThere really is not any other way than to be honest...otherwise ultimately we only hurt oursleves.
I'm right there with you. I've been hovering in the 180s for a year now. Can't seem to take off the rest (about 20 pounds). Maybe I just don't want it enough.
ReplyDeleteThat's not true ... I do want it. But I also let life (and other stuff) get in the way.
Trish,
ReplyDeleteYou have more reasons than anyone I know to just let it go and get healthy later. I can only imagine how hard it must be. I am a HORRIBLE emotional eater so I can realte to the stress.
I had a ton of stuff to say and then I read your question, Are you happy with your progress?
Immediately I thought... No but then I re-thought and I hope you will as well.
Am I exactly where I wanted to be..No
but I am better than I was and moving forward.
Every little bit of prgress no matter how small will help you be better, healthier and stronger than the day before.
You are a pillar of strength and love. You are right you do need to put YOU first and take care of yourself. Once you do that you can then in turn help others. It is not a selfish act to care for YOU first, it is out of love so you can be the best you possble to help those you love.
Keep the faith and I am certain that everyone who knows you in person is so very grateful and blessed to have an angel like you in their life.
XO
Trish,
ReplyDeleteI feel for you. I have had a few loses and trials this past couple of years. There have been plenty of times when it seemed like that brake in the clouds would never reveal itself. Then, just a little over a year ago, I got very sick and landed in the ER. I was out for a month. The illness made me so weak that it took another month to regain my strength. Compared to more life threatening illnesses, what I had was no big deal. But it topped off my brothers death and other problems that I was facing. It was my braking point. Instead of being depressed, I got pissed off just enough to use my work outs to throw punches at the sky and say, "If that brake in the clouds doesn't come by itself, I'm going to make it happen!"
I want to encourage you and let you know that you can do this. I admire your determination and your desire for your children to be proud of you.